


The Only Hope For Me Is You // Frerard

by magnoliahoe



Category: MCR - Fandom, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Bromance, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friendship/Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-04-28 12:29:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5090783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnoliahoe/pseuds/magnoliahoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard Way is popular, unhappy, and gay. Surprisingly those three don't mix well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. gerard hates his life

Gerard Way is jealous.

Now, normally, a seventeen year old senior in high school who likes Morrissey and Nirvana wouldn't give a shit about popularity, but really, it's just his automatic response now. He's been 'popular' most of the time he's been in school, ever since he got in a fight - and won, he might add - with Brendon Urie back in sixth grade. But really, what could you consider  _fighting_ in sixth grade? They mainly pushed at eachother until Gerard quite unfairly kicked Brendon in the knee, sending him toppling to the ground. Gerard remembers Brendon's best friend, Ryan Ross, rushing over to help while the other kids whooped and cheered like Gerard just won a gunfight.

Nowadays, Gerard lives in constant jealousy towards the freethinking kids of the school - Frank Iero, Ray Toro, and even his own brother, Mikey Way. They had this little... this little  _group,_ and most of Gerard's group made fun of them, but Gerard could never. Not when he secretly envies them, secretly wants to be a part of their group.

At first, back in grade six, Gerard had liked the attention. Everyone was being  _nice_ to him, the weird kid who liked comic books and Star Wars and art. After a few years, though, it got old. He slowly came to the realization that if he even voiced his own opinion, people would either shoot it down before it even got the chance to leave his mouth, or they would blindly follow him without truly  _getting it._ Gerard could deal with the rumors, but being censored like that was about the worst thing that could possibly happen.

Not only that, but he and his brother had started drifting apart when Gerard entered high school. Mikey's only a year younger than Gerard, so he followed soon after, but they both knew nothing between them would ever be the same. They're in two completely different groups, but they make sure that every Friday after dinner they go to Gerard's room in the basement and play video games until well past midnight. Gerard supposes it's sort of a tradition now; pizza for dinner - thank God for his parent's general laziness near the ends of the week - then down to the basement for Nintendo and banter. Just like the good old days.

The problem with that is, Gerard is  _popular._ Friday nights are sort of a big deal for him, usually there's some shitty party to attend where he can drown his thoughts in booze, cheap drugs, and quick, unmemorable sex. So their Friday night gaming sessions are slowly becoming less and less, and sometimes they postpone it to Saturday, but it's never the same.

So, being popular completely blows, and so do mornings like this.

Gerard jolts awake to the sound of his god awful alarm - honestly,  _why_ does it even have that loud of a setting? - and immediately regrets waking up. His head is pounding harder than a gigolo during the summer and his mouth tastes disgusting. He groans loudly and rolls over, glancing at his clock. It's seven am. Gerard considers just going back to sleep, pretending like he's sick, but then it occurs to him that it's  _Friday,_ and his mother has a rule that if you're sick, you're not going out for the night, and if you're sick on a Friday, you're not going out for the whole weekend.

Sometimes Gerard hates how well his mother knows him.

\--

The ride to school is awkward at best. Gerard tries desperately to strike a conversation,  _any_ conversation, with Mikey, but trying to talk to Mikey while he's tired is like trying to talk to a dolphin.

"Not really excited to see Saunders today," Gerard comments, floundering for a conversation piece.

"Mm." Is the only response Mikey offers.

"... Got this sweet new comic after school yesterday." Gerard gives another feeble attempt, only to receive another noncommittal grunt from his brother. He gives up then, so they just sat in silence. He wishes he could turn on the radio, but it had been stolen a few weeks back. Seriously, who the fuck steals a car radio?

They pull into the parking lot and Gerard parks the car, already dreading the day ahead of him. He can already hear Bert McCracken's voice -  _"Yo, Way, I thought you preps gave a shit about your appearance, your hair's fuckin' greasier than McDonald's,"_ \- and the sneers of his friends at the meer sight of unwashed hair.

Not that he cares.

Mikey's out the door before Gerard can even say bye, so Gerard sits for a moment, head resting against the steering wheel. He wonders when his life became this - caring what people think, his brother basically ignoring him all the time, parents almost completely absent from his life. Alcoholic father, absent mother, no real friends, general hatred of himself as a person.

Yep, Gerard's life was just a bucket of sunshine.

He reluctantly climbs out of the shitty old car and makes his way into the school, his skin already itching at the thought of not being able to have a smoke until lunch. Fuck, he should have had one on the way to the school.

Too late now.

He opens the door and steps inside, the warmth of the building providing a quick sense of relief. It's late Autumn, most of the leaves already fallen off the trees and blowing through the wind like some shitty poem, and the air is chilly. It's 40 degrees fahrenheit out, so Gerard has taken up wearing his leather jacket again; he couldn't do that before, it was too damn hot, but now the Jersey winter is approaching fast.

Gerard hears the chatter of teenagers who are all much too tired to sound anything but unamused, and huffs out a sigh. There's nothing he wouldn't do to get out of school at that very moment, but he knows he has to stay, so he settles on avoiding all of his friends.

He walks up the stairs to his first period class and passes by Mikey and his friends. He stops briefly and looks at them.

"Can we help you?" Frank Iero asks, his voice slightly malicious. Gerard can't blame him, it's not like he's ever stood up for the small group of, for lack of a better word,  _losers._

Gerard shrugs in Frank's general direction and continues walking. "Guess not." He replies over his shoulder, though not bothering to look back at the small group. Who gives a shit that Frank fucking Iero doesn't want him around? The kid dated Pete Wentz at one point. Obviously he's not a great judge of character. And Gerard is  _not fucking jealous of him._

_\--_

Class is torture, but when is it ever not? He gets through his first few periods, and honestly, he's dreading lunch more than anything. Then he actually has to hang out with his fucking friends, act like he gives a shit about any of them. Lunch every day is  _torture,_ most of the time he comes up with some shitty excuse as to why he can't hang out with them, but today is different; today is Friday.  _Well,_ Gerard thinks, trying his hand at optimism,  _At least Fridays are better than Sundays._

Sundays are what Gerard likes to call 'hangover days'. He usually goes out every Friday night, then drinks all through Saturday to ignore the hangover, but  _Sundays._ Sundays are the worst. He stays in and nurses his hangover, his mother scolds him for being a disappointment to the family, and Mikey is never home on Sundays.

Fuck Sundays.

Gerard looks up from his intricate doodle when he hears the bell ring. How did class go by so quickly? He stands up from his seat and reluctantly slings his bag over his shoulder. The day is already halfway done, he can practically taste the pizza for dinner already. He doesn't think there's a party tonight, but that will probably change at lunch. His friends have the bad habit of planning things last minute.

He leaves the classroom, uttering a quick goodbye to the teacher, and makes his way to the cafeteria. The line is long already, and he knows it would take way too long to actually wait in it, so he decides to just steal some of Brendon Urie's food. Brendon is really the only person he can trust with things these days, because Brendon kind of gets it. Brendon's gay, too.

Well, Brendon is bisexual, but it's just as unaccepted in their group as being gay.  _Not straight, not cool._ He knows that he can't exactly come out normally to his friends, they'd probably try to convince him he isn't actually gay. God forbid anyone be slightly different than them, right? They'd push him right back in the closet where he probably belongs.

\--

"Okay, all I'm saying is it's not  _right._ And I'm not talking about that Jesus bullshit, it's just that if men were meant to be with men they'd be able to reproduce." Mackenzie argues, her voice condescending and bitchy. Gerard has been dealing with this shit since lunch started, and it's only been fifteen minutes. It feels like it's been hours.

Not only that, but Gerard is still thinking about Frank's words earlier.  _'Can we help you?'_ Like Gerard isn't even allowed to talk to his own brother. It's not like he's been treating him  _badly_ or anything, that job was already filled by their parents. Frank was just being an asshole, treating Gerard like he was a bully or something.

He manages to tune out the conversation, his earbuds stuck in his ears, until he hears his name being called.

"Gerard, hey, Gee! What's up with you?"

He looks up and tugs his earbuds out. It's Jake; he's the linebacker on the football team, which automatically makes Gerard hate him a little.

"Nothing, just tired. Didn't sleep again." Gerard mumbles, before taking a bite of his sandwich. He can hear the scoff that Jake gives and gets ready for a comment.

"Whatever. You never sleep, it's getting really annoying. Anyway, you're all Catholic and stuff right-"

"My family is Catholic. I'm an atheist." Gerard interrupts monotonously.

"Yeah, whatever. We're arguing over whether gay shit is a sin or not, I say it is, but I've never read the bible. Urie over here says it isn't." Jake shoots a look in Brendon's direction and Brendon returns it, his jaw clenched. That's the look Brendon had given Gerard before they fought in the sixth grade. Gerard can't remember why.

"It's not. And even if it was, the bible talks about loving thy neighbor which I think is more important than if you stick your dick in someone's ass or not." Gerard shrugs carelessly, hoping he comes off as casual rather than as tense as he really feels.

"Or if you take it in the ass." Brendon adds quickly, before shrinking back a bit. Gerard bites back a smirk and looks down at his lunch tray. He always  _figured_ Brendon was a bottom, but this just confirmed the suspicion. Someone as egotistical as Brendon probably likes getting topped once in a while, knock him down a few pegs.

Jake sneers and leans over the table. "It's not okay. Fucking fags are everywhere these days, makes me sick. I don't wanna look at that shit."

Gerard's honestly had enough of this. "Then don't watch gay porn. If straight people get to make out in the hallways of the school, why not gay people?"

"What's wrong, Way? Are you some kind of queer? Got a boyfriend that you suck off every Sunday while your family goes to fucking Church?" Jake stands up, probably trying to look intimidating, but mostly just looking like a dumb gorilla.

Gerard goes to speak, but catches eyes with Brendon and shrinks. "I'm not fucking gay. Whatever, I'm done with this shit. You guys can sit here and shit talk gay people all you want, don't expect me to stand around and listen." With that, he grabs his tray and leaves the table. He doesn't really know where he's going to go, but he knows one person that would never judge him.

_Mikey._


	2. he hates life even more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for how late this chapter is! also sorry for it being slightly short oops i've been under a lot of stress

When Gerard was halfway through the school and on his way to the staircase that Mikey and his friends hung out on, he heard a voice calling for him. He paused and turned, seeing none other than Ryan Ross jogging to catch up with him. Ryan was a nice guy and all, but frankly, he was a little... awkward. Gerard would usually just brush him off if people were around to see them; thankfully they weren't.

"Hey, Ryan." Gerard greeted tiredly. He honestly just wanted to go and talk to his brother about this, he wanted to feel  _normal_ for once - why was everything so fucking complicated?

Ryan fidgeted slightly, biting at his lip. It was no wonder this kid was as unpopular as he was - he was obviously way too shy for his own good. "I just- Is Brendon still with them? You know, hanging out with all the.. y'know. Jake and them."

"Yeah. I dunno for how long though, they're spouting all this homophobic shit. Want me to get him for you?" Gerard reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Another reason Mikey and Gerard had grown apart was that Gerard always got better things than Mikey, leaving Gerard with an iPhone 6 and Mikey with a Blackberry Bold. Whatever, it wasn't Gerard's fault that he actually had a job and could pay for cool shit.

It wasn't like he was saving up for  _college_ or anything.

Ryan nodded and tugged at the sleeves of his sweater; something Gerard probably wouldn't have noticed it the kid wasn't so fidgety.

Gerard unlocked his phone and texted Brendon.

_r_ _yan wants to see you. near the library._

Brendon's reply came almost immediately.

_On my way_

"There you go, he's coming." Gerard pocketed his phone before smirking. "Maybe in more ways than one."

Ryan's eyes widened in shock, his mouth opening to protest, but Gerard just laughed and walked away. Ryan was a cool guy, he just needed to warm up to people before he could really act normal with them. It wasn't like Gerard gave Ryan any reason to warm up to him or anything. Ryan wasn't a fan of  _any_ of the popular kids - except for, of course, Brendon Urie. They'd been friends for as long as Gerard could  _remember._

Sometimes Gerard thought Ryan deserved a lot better than Brendon Urie.

\--

"Okay, no, just because your shitty friends are being  _assholes_ as usual doesn't mean-"

"Frank, shut the fuck up, let him talk-"

"No, he's an asshole, and I know he's your brother but you have to admit he's-"

"Standing right there and can  _hear_  you two arguing over him, seriously, just talk  _to_ him."

Gerard rolled his eyes. What a great greeting - he always felt so  _welcomed_ and  _supported_ around Mikey and his friends. He loved how  _kind_ they were to him; it was a real treat. "Look, Frank, I know you think I'm an asshole but really I'm just a regular guy. My friends are the assholes."

"And you're  _friends_ with them. You admit they're assholes but you stay friends with them, you big hypocrite." Frank shot back, narrowing his eyes in Gerard's direction. Okay, maybe Gerard deserved that, and he couldn't blame Frank for disliking him, but Gerard was going to hang out with his brother no matter what. He deserved it, Mikey was  _his_ brother; Frank could fuck off for all Gerard cared.

So, he just sat down.

"I'm not moving from this floor." He said stubbornly, shooting daggers at Frank in the process.

"Okay, Gee, why are you here?" Mikey finally spoke up, turning to look at his brother. There wasn't a hint of malice in his voice, just worry, which gave Gerard a bit of confidence. Maybe he could start hanging out with Mikey more, avoid his shitty friends. At least Gerard knew he wouldn't be judged when he was around Mikey - his  _friends_ always complained about his bright red hair, his dark clothes, his hatred for anything along the lines of exercise.

Then again, when was anything good ever an actual option for Gerard?

"It's just- my friends were being assholes, okay? And I knew they weren't going to  _stop_ being homophobic, so I thought, hey, why not go hang out with your very not homophobic brother Mikey and his hopefully not homophobic friends?" The older of the Way brothers explained, idly playing with the laces of his boots while he did so. He could feel Frank scrutinizing him with his eyes and he shifted uncomfortably - there was nothing he hated more than being judged.

"But  _you're_ homophobic." Frank blurted out after a few seconds of silence.

Gerard couldn't help but laugh. "Really? You think I'm- I-  _Homophobic?_ Frank-" Gerard quickly looked around to make sure nobody was around and lowered his voice. "I'm  _gay,_ did Mikey not tell you?"

That left Frank with his jaw agape, floundering for something to say.

Mikey shrugged. "I didn't think you wanted him, or, well, anyone to know."

"Oh. Well, uh.. Thanks." Gerard was actually a little surprised. He knew Mikey cared about him, but he had expected him to at least tell his friends that he was gay. Maybe things weren't as awkward between them as Gerard thought.

"Yeah. No problem."

After another awkward silence that felt like hours, but was really only a few seconds, Ray spoke up.

"Have you guys heard the new Slayer album?"

And just like that, all four of them were grinning and arguing about which song was the best. It felt... normal. Gerard could get used to it.

-

Ryan Ross was so far up Brendon Urie's ass that he could see out of his mouth.

Everyone knew it. Ryan had a big, gay crush on Brendon and it was so painfully obvious. The spared glances in the cafeteria, the way he looked down at the ground whenever he saw Brendon in the hallway, the way Ryan seemed to just zone out randomly in classes that he and Brendon had together. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that Ryan was in love with Brendon.

What people didn't know, however, was that they were still best friends. They had this huge fight in grade eight, and after that, they stopped hanging out together in school, but they were still the closest of friends. They hung out every day after school, sometimes during weekends, and Brendon even cancelled on parties just so they could hang out.

It's just that Ryan wanted  _more._ He wanted more than sneaking around and being ignored at school, he wanted more than just being friends with Brendon. He wanted to cuddle with him and kiss him and hold hands with him while they walked down the hallway. He fucking  _hated_ that Brendon was so stubborn and scared to come out, too worried about his own popularity to worry about his  _best friend's_ feelings. And no matter what Ryan did, however many hints he dropped, it always ended up the same. Brendon had no fucking clue how much Ryan actually cared about him and it  _hurt_ so  _bad._

Brendon Urie was poison to Ryan Ross, but he was addicted. And maybe it was bad for him, maybe Ryan could do so much better without Brendon in his life, but the thing is, he didn't want to. No matter how many nights Ryan lay awake thinking of Brendon, how many angry texts that he decided not to send last minute, it was all so worth it.

It was worth it even though Brendon still hadn't shown up when he told Gerard he was on his way.

And it was still worth it even when the bell rang and Brendon still hadn't shown up.

And it was even  _still_ worth it when he stalked off to class alone, feeling stood up and angry, at the world and at himself and at Brendon Urie. Fuck him, and fuck himself for actually thinking Brendon was going to leave his friends to see him.

Ryan sat in his desk and brooded for most of the class, idly doodling on the handout the teacher gave him. Seriously, who ever thought it was a good idea to put letters in math equations?

He sat and brooded for a few more minutes until he felt a sharp pain in his side. He jumped and looked over to his table partner.

"Jesus, Paris, the fuck?"

Paris was Ryan's other best friend, the one he actually got to hang out with on a regular basis - the one he wasn't in love with, pretty much. She was the one he went to every time Brendon hurt him or stood him up. She was the one he  _knew_  that he could count on whenever he was upset; they had eachother's backs.

"Ryan. You've been sitting here for the past fourty-five minutes staring into space and drawing shitty stick figures on your page. You haven't even answered one question, I know something's wrong, and I know it's about Brendon. You only ever get that expression when he does something wrong." Paris whispered to him, brushing some purple hair out of her face. One of the things Ryan loved about her was how  _cool_ she actually was - she dyed her hair all the time and smoked and wasn't scared to call him out on shit.

"It isn't a big deal." Ryan muttered, setting his head on the desk and frowning. He honestly just didn't feel like talking about it; Brendon was a dick, and he wasn't going to let him bring Paris's mood down, too. "'M just tired."

"You and I both know that's a load of shit." Paris rolled her eyes and handed Ryan a piece of strawberry flavored chewing gum, which was pretty much a peace offering and also a warning that shit was about to get  _real._ It was kind of like a beforehand apology. "Ry, you're always a mess whenever he stands you up. Maybe it's time to... Y'know... Tell him how you feel? Outright?"

Ryan felt his stomach flip at even the  _thought_ of that. He shook his head and looked away. "No. No, I can't do that, Paris, you know there's no possible way he'll accept that about-"

"Shut up. You're  _amazing_ , Ryan, he probably feels the same way! I can't see any reason why he wouldn't."

"Can we not talk about this?" Ryan shook his head and put the piece of gum in his mouth. "Please. I just wanna talk about something different, take my mind off of it."

"Okay, fine. Help me with this math then."

"Yeah, that's exactly what I wanted." Ryan laughed and rolled his eyes, but turned to help with her math either way. It wasn't like he had much else to do either than sit and pine about Brendon Urie.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my third attempt at actually writing a fanfiction, each time I've tried has ended in me abandoning it one chapter in, but this one's different!
> 
> So basically, this is an AU where Gerard and Frank are in highschool (alongside the rest of the emo trinity members + twenty one pilots) and Gerard is incredibly unhappily popular. I'm really excited for this one, comments would be appreciated! :)


End file.
